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my dad got stationed in guam right after my parents married, so i grew up with all sorts of guam-based life lessons like:

  • snakes can come up toilets
  • snakes dont like being sprayed with hairspray
  • lizards love sweet drinks
  • give your soda can a shake before you drink because WHO KNOWS what crawled in
  • a machete taped to the end of a broom is a useful weapon
  • salt water rots out cars
  • you can totally drive a car even if the floor is completely rotted out
  • cars with no floors are actually pretty useful tbh way easier to clean
  • it you cut the head off a snake sometimes the headless body will reflexively coil up around your arm???
  • the most macho military dude will still scream like a small child if a headless snake body coils up his arm
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